Discussions with Nigel

I am sitting in my office and ready to weep as spasmodic tears are blurring my vision. Four years ago in year of 2004 my colleague and friend, whom I failed to understand due to my childish preoccupations with empty life, died mysteriously in Republic of Georgia. If you can understand the lifestyle that I once led in UB and kind of people I associated myself with, it is rather not complicated to understand my late realization of sorrow and loss of such dear friend. That time it was hard to believe it had occured, but nevertheless I recovered pretty easy as young girls in early twenties can. His name is Nigel Ockenden (I refuse to acknowledge him in past tense) and he died relatively young while teaching English in Georgia. I met him when I taught as well and became friends through sort of peculiar bond as can only perhaps be formed between a person of superior knowledge and intellect and the one who possesses absolute idiotic ignorance, therefore forming certain dialectic of two opposites. I must say until now I did not fully realize what was he up to. . . I know that he left me bunch of tapes with french lessons which I failed to recover, at the restaurant we were supposed to meet, before his departure to England. Today I accidentally discovered that he was a major contributor to amazon books' philosophical, political and literature section. AND I always wondered what he was doing all the time spending all day in library and in front of pc with mug of espresso. Reviews for Althusser, Deleuze, Diderot, Foucault, Agamben, Adorno, . . . the list is long. If only I asked, I would have discovered Agamben back in 2003! I am angry at myself and really are my tears are of a man who just realized that he won million dollar lottery and all along he didn't know about it. As I said I did not ask that time and I had lost interest in books, considering my teen years reading was enough and pretty dresses and shoes were far important.

In memoriam of my dear friend whom unfortunately my infantile mind failed to understand on timely manner, I shall write a discussion that might have taken place if only I realized on time what a great friend I had in handy and what a great mentor he could have become throughout my stumbling with ideas and books.