Rain

It's been raining in UB for two days in a row. Rain usually sets in somber mood, however, providing some sort of bizarre comfort to indulge further in its subdued burrows away from the sun. On the contrary sunshine inspires gay superficiality which prevents any chance of penetrating thoughts. Plenty to think and plenty to dream until the veil is uplifted. Enjoy the rain.

Зохиолын Дууны Цаг

Ганцхан чи минь минийх шүү
Үг Чойнхор

Дэнжийн цэцгийг хувааж л
Дэрлэсэн гурван сар минь
Сэтгэлийн гүнээс тодрох
Сэрүүн зүүд л байвуу даа
Наддаа ирэх өдөр чинь
Хором хормоор ойртоод байна
Нандин зүрхний үг чинь
Санаан дотор тодроод байна

Амрагийн гэгээн тэнгэртээ гялалзах одод нь олон чиг
Алагхан зүрхийг догдлуулдаг ганцхан чи минь минийх шүү
Амрагийн гэгээн тэнгэртээ гялалзах одод нь олон чиг
Алагхан зүрхийг догдлуулдаг ганцхан чи минь минийх шүү

Хүлээхийн гуниг нь хэцүүхэн ч
Уулзахын баяр нь зүйрлэшгүй
Хэлсэндээ үнэнч явсан бол
Тэрэн шиг жаргал ч байхгүй дээ
Сайны ерөөл тавиад л явсан юм даа тэр минь
Сар жилийн уртад чиг саараачгүй сэтгэлээ

Амрагийн гэгээн тэнгэртээ гялалзах одод нь олон чиг
Алагхан зүрхийг догдлуулдаг ганцхан чи минь минийх шүү
Амрагийн гэгээн тэнгэртээ гялалзах одод нь олон чиг
Алагхан зүрхийг догдлуулдаг ганцхан чи минь минийх шүү

Сайхан чинийхээ өмнө цайгаа дээжлээд барья даа
Санан санан хүлээснээ тунирхан байж л хэлнэ дээ
Гадаа ирээд буухаар чинь гарах уу байх уу догдлоод байна
Гэрэл татсан царайнд чинь гэр минь дүүрээд ирнэ дээ

Амрагийн гэгээн тэнгэртээ гялалзах одод нь олон чиг
Алагхан зүрхийг догдлуулдаг ганцхан чи минь минийх шүү
Амрагийн гэгээн тэнгэртээ гялалзах одод нь олон чиг
Алагхан зүрхийг догдлуулдаг ганцхан чи минь минийх шүү

Ностальгия or Fellings of nostalgia

I remember a conversation that my father recited few weeks ago after he'd encountered a man of Russian descent,who was born on American soil. After getting acquainted the man remarked to my father that he was Russian. To which my dad responded with inquisitve reproach "Are you really Russian?" The man replied "I am." My dad asked then "If you are Russian, do you know what Ностальгия (rough translation for Nostalgia) is?" The man replied "No, I don't know and I've never experienced that feeling." My father quickly concluded "Then, you are not Russian."
A friend of mine who left his home 13 years ago and lived in the U.S. for the majority of his adulthood does not consider his cozy life in west coast as being an authentic home. When asked about his experience he seems to question his pragmatic choice of life on most occassions and still holds strong belief that his home is somewhere far away. Is this the famous Heideggerian eternal feeling of homelessness?
On the next instance I must admit from my personal experience that I never felt more Mongolian in my life than now, after moving abroad. The feeling is so overwhelming that it lead me to conclude whether special status of being on self-exhile, having diasporic existence, naturally makes me a staunch nationalist; that is existence of identity threatened by surrounding alien idenitity. And to think about Mongolia's national pride and fetish with any national element presupposes me to think that such feelings are at its zenith when we are most open to our neighbours and when we are at most exposed and transparent to the world.
What is exactly nostalgia? Does it have any worth or value to be even mentioned on global level, particularly today in our current state where just yesterday everybody was rejoicing in opening of the borders?

However, I see myself as being unable to argue for the majority of Mongolians out there. The hybrid education that almost simultaneously oscillates between artificially acquired, Russian education, and naturally absorbed nationalism towards motherland endlessly require to level my identity. Where does this thought lead? I said Russian education that I received encourages unnatural sense of belonging, in a sense that I've never stepped into a Russian soil after my birth and into my 1st year and afterwards. So, naturally the Russian culture should be as foreign as any artificially acquired knowledge such as English? Does having been raised in certain geographical location entail certain role in the formation of identity and furthermore nationalistic views? Or, how does certain memory affect one's identity?

On the other hand I must admit that my Russian education was dissimilar to any language acqusition process here in the States. Since early age of 6 I was forced to memorize Russian poems and songs by grandmother. Of course to my family knowledge of Russian language carried guaranteed future entry into prestigious schools and universities in Russia. This process of acquisition in its order re-inforced me to imagine my identity as outside of pool of other children attending regular Mongolian institutions.
My experience might be regarded as intimate with Russian language but the feeling that I have is still dichotomous; although I am sensitive towards Russian culture and the particular elements that are supposed to invoke sense of belonging to Russia such as popular songs I used to sing in school or cartoons I grew up with, on the contrary, almost instantly interpreted into feeling of nostalgia for Mongolia. The memories are mostly constructed around my extended family, evenings spent in front of TV watching Russian chanels, school years and etc.

Discussions with Nigel

I am sitting in my office and ready to weep as spasmodic tears are blurring my vision. Four years ago in year of 2004 my colleague and friend, whom I failed to understand due to my childish preoccupations with empty life, died mysteriously in Republic of Georgia. If you can understand the lifestyle that I once led in UB and kind of people I associated myself with, it is rather not complicated to understand my late realization of sorrow and loss of such dear friend. That time it was hard to believe it had occured, but nevertheless I recovered pretty easy as young girls in early twenties can. His name is Nigel Ockenden (I refuse to acknowledge him in past tense) and he died relatively young while teaching English in Georgia. I met him when I taught as well and became friends through sort of peculiar bond as can only perhaps be formed between a person of superior knowledge and intellect and the one who possesses absolute idiotic ignorance, therefore forming certain dialectic of two opposites. I must say until now I did not fully realize what was he up to. . . I know that he left me bunch of tapes with french lessons which I failed to recover, at the restaurant we were supposed to meet, before his departure to England. Today I accidentally discovered that he was a major contributor to amazon books' philosophical, political and literature section. AND I always wondered what he was doing all the time spending all day in library and in front of pc with mug of espresso. Reviews for Althusser, Deleuze, Diderot, Foucault, Agamben, Adorno, . . . the list is long. If only I asked, I would have discovered Agamben back in 2003! I am angry at myself and really are my tears are of a man who just realized that he won million dollar lottery and all along he didn't know about it. As I said I did not ask that time and I had lost interest in books, considering my teen years reading was enough and pretty dresses and shoes were far important.

In memoriam of my dear friend whom unfortunately my infantile mind failed to understand on timely manner, I shall write a discussion that might have taken place if only I realized on time what a great friend I had in handy and what a great mentor he could have become throughout my stumbling with ideas and books.

Natural Philosophy

Reading Rousseau and talking about natural man I wish I could escape for few days where I could feel air against my bare skin

CPR on Animals

I found this while surfing arund websites, found it mad cute. It is an excerpt from wikipedia about CPR on animals.


"It is entirely feasible to perform CPR on animals like cats and dogs. The principles and practices are virtually identical to CPR for humans. One is cautioned to only perform CPR on unconscious animals to avoid the risk of being bitten" from wikipedia