Ностальгия or Fellings of nostalgia

I remember a conversation that my father recited few weeks ago after he'd encountered a man of Russian descent,who was born on American soil. After getting acquainted the man remarked to my father that he was Russian. To which my dad responded with inquisitve reproach "Are you really Russian?" The man replied "I am." My dad asked then "If you are Russian, do you know what Ностальгия (rough translation for Nostalgia) is?" The man replied "No, I don't know and I've never experienced that feeling." My father quickly concluded "Then, you are not Russian."
A friend of mine who left his home 13 years ago and lived in the U.S. for the majority of his adulthood does not consider his cozy life in west coast as being an authentic home. When asked about his experience he seems to question his pragmatic choice of life on most occassions and still holds strong belief that his home is somewhere far away. Is this the famous Heideggerian eternal feeling of homelessness?
On the next instance I must admit from my personal experience that I never felt more Mongolian in my life than now, after moving abroad. The feeling is so overwhelming that it lead me to conclude whether special status of being on self-exhile, having diasporic existence, naturally makes me a staunch nationalist; that is existence of identity threatened by surrounding alien idenitity. And to think about Mongolia's national pride and fetish with any national element presupposes me to think that such feelings are at its zenith when we are most open to our neighbours and when we are at most exposed and transparent to the world.
What is exactly nostalgia? Does it have any worth or value to be even mentioned on global level, particularly today in our current state where just yesterday everybody was rejoicing in opening of the borders?

However, I see myself as being unable to argue for the majority of Mongolians out there. The hybrid education that almost simultaneously oscillates between artificially acquired, Russian education, and naturally absorbed nationalism towards motherland endlessly require to level my identity. Where does this thought lead? I said Russian education that I received encourages unnatural sense of belonging, in a sense that I've never stepped into a Russian soil after my birth and into my 1st year and afterwards. So, naturally the Russian culture should be as foreign as any artificially acquired knowledge such as English? Does having been raised in certain geographical location entail certain role in the formation of identity and furthermore nationalistic views? Or, how does certain memory affect one's identity?

On the other hand I must admit that my Russian education was dissimilar to any language acqusition process here in the States. Since early age of 6 I was forced to memorize Russian poems and songs by grandmother. Of course to my family knowledge of Russian language carried guaranteed future entry into prestigious schools and universities in Russia. This process of acquisition in its order re-inforced me to imagine my identity as outside of pool of other children attending regular Mongolian institutions.
My experience might be regarded as intimate with Russian language but the feeling that I have is still dichotomous; although I am sensitive towards Russian culture and the particular elements that are supposed to invoke sense of belonging to Russia such as popular songs I used to sing in school or cartoons I grew up with, on the contrary, almost instantly interpreted into feeling of nostalgia for Mongolia. The memories are mostly constructed around my extended family, evenings spent in front of TV watching Russian chanels, school years and etc.

Books to read for Mongoloveds

I am trying to work on my article and my never ending research stumbled upon Eric Voegelin's Published Essays. Written by German-Jewish elite professor of Law in Germany who fled his country to escape Nazis, aptly examines the origin of fascism in Europe along with detailed examinations of Mongol diplomatic correspondence during Chinggis Khaan's invasion with Pope, hitherto preserved unknown in the archives of Vatican. His studies of Mongol political structure reveals previously unknown to Western civilization, sophisticated system of state order and most importantly discovery of divinity in its legas structure and divine origin of statehood in building the Mongol empire. Very compelling and I must thank my professor from my grad years, Peter Paik, who pointed me towards this stimulating text.

enquiry to my own thoughts

I am writing this message and it is almost midnight. I started reading a book that I ordered not long ago, supposedly the latest and good source for anyone who is interested in theories on human rights. Halfway reading the introductory point I was perturbed by overwhelming feeling of one's impotence. I looked at the book I was reading and the unfamiliar words that kept occuring in the writing put inadvertently my English in doubt. I started wondering if I was ever suitable to make a decision to go for studies in humanities where there are more utilitarian options available for my humble intellect. Having Overcome with the envy and hubris from certain realization of impotence compared to the non-native American author, I started fantasizing about his possible elite upbringing in English speaking country (note that he's Chinese), perhaps in Singapore or Hong Kong.

Now, after half hour later I sit here and I think about absurdity of my action. Does it point to the competitive nature of scholar in training or in general positive ability of human mind to question and overcome existing dogmas? Anyways, since such content does not accurately befits the intention of this group I shall abandon it right here. Comments are as always welcome.

Tarkovsky and classical art

And here Tarkovsky features the theme in his film

Mad Men mad about books

The show is very addictive and yet does not bore guilty feeling as it is with cheap soap dramas. The hit tv series follows an advertising agency men their women all shot against backdrop of early 60's event. The show is incredibly comfortable with chauvinism, sexism, racism and tons of unhealthy habits such as cigarette and aloohol. Watching this show (in one day I finished half of the season's episodes)I felt like I was time travelling backwards into the origins of every convenience in America; playtex bras, clearasil ads, diapers, airline business. Here's a curious observation from nymag about ideas in the show http://nymag.com/daily/entertainment/2008/07/don_drapers_mad_men_bookshelf.html

Learn, learn, and learn

Growing up in ex-com country I remember this phrase posted, painted, plastered in almost every school corner. Of course the meaning was evident and much obvious as it was supposed to convey simple message to school children "Do your homework and be conscientious in your study". Today, while I was re-reading Spivak' essay "Can the Subaltern Speak" I came upon a rather curious passage from Marx that was double quoted by Walter Benjamin and in subsequent order by Spivak which in turn spurred some curious thoughts about revolution and aftermath:

Marx continues in his description of the conspirateurs de profession as follows: "...They have no othet aim but the immediate one of overthrowing the existing government, and they profoundly despise the more rhetorical enlightnment of the workers as to their class interests. Thus their anger-not proletarian but plebian-at the habits noirs (black coats), the more or less educated people who represent that side of the movement and of whom they can never become entirely independent, as they cannot of the official representatives of the party." Baudelaire's political insights do not go fundamentally beyond the insights of these professional conspirators...He could perhaps have made Flaubert's statement, "Of all of the politics I understand only one thing: revolt", of his own.

Here Walter Benjamin quotes Marx to critique the valorization of any desire that has only one aim, to destruct and ovethrow any exisitng power. In its order Spivak uses Walter Benjamin's analysis to point the problematic of rhetorics of western Maoists, structuralists and post-structuralists. However,my concern here is not critique of western subjectivity but rather a pedagogical focus the passage has. In lieu of the thought that no revolution is won over a night I wanted to re-focus on the historical aspect of revolution itself and that certainly revolution is always followed by question "What is next?" Marx's point lies precisely in the warning that the political struggle is not an immature rebellion against power but rather full realization of the movement. In Mongolia the overthrow of communist state apparatus in 1990 was often celebrated as a democratic revolution. What followed afterwards can hardly be described as democratic rather the society slip was detrimental to the society as hardcore liberal capitalist values emerged. For this we could assume that when we manifest to make changes in the state power how often are we prepared to deal with the consequences? Do we do our homework proper to the learning experience?

Michael Jackson as a thing. Death long before one dies

Justin: Hey, do you know if Michael Jackson's funeral is tomorrow? Supposed to be like a big thing

Me: Don't know. I thought it was yesterday with that big ceremony, wasn't it "it"? Why people wouldn't just leave him rest in peace, yet still try to drag on with these pompous ceremony?

As we kept on our small conversation I thought about people's fascination with MJ's remains and all these ceremonies the media keeps publicizing. The man is long gone, he does not exist anymore physically and yet there's such public fascination and buzz around his name. Zizek wrote once about immortality that Mao and Stalin gained even when they were alive and that their alter-selves kept on living while they kept their own private stupid lives. Isn't it a similar case? Does it mean that Michael Jackson actually ceased to exist long before his physical death occured this month? That ultimately his physical death was just an empty ritual; another sort of dramatic stage dance that he might have staged? Isn't it why everyone could not believe that the death has occured again, twice actually? I mean who dies twice, right?

A Week of Kindness

A book that I am reading has a curious cover design featuring excerpt from Max Ernst's Une Semaine de Bonté. Decided to look up the title and I found out that it is a graphic novel made of collage. The book published around the time of Hitler's rise to power deals mainly with repressed middle class sexuality, anti-clerical and authoritarian themes.



If you pay close attention to this scene, the woman's bed is located behind bars. There's a man peering down at the figure of a woman while the room is being flooded.

Here's another scene from the book



To wrap up, here's lovely video from 90's by Madonna. This song came out when I was tormented myself with teenage rebellion. My room used to be plastered with posters of Madonna in various provocative poses. I must admit I succeeded shocking my mother with my pop music taste; everytime she walked into my room she used to shake her head. Mom no offense, I still love you.

Madonna - Deeper and Deeper
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Chugyeogja muses with Kafka

A while ago Korean friend gave me a dvd that probably sat dusting on my nightstand for almost a month. Besides his remarks that the movie was "good" and that it was selected for Cannes festival I remained pretty ignorant until I decided to watch it last night. The film's theme might perhaps fool you into thinking that it's cliche story about serial killer preying on prostitutes and self-conflicted cop hunting him down. We are led to believe that we know that kind of drama all too well from both real life, Jack the Ripper, and from fantasy world,"Seven". The presentation of the classical theme is built around suspense and race against time; the chaser who is trying to find the serial killer's residence, where last victim Mi Joon might still be alive, before Young-Min (the killer) is released from police station. The style that the director engages builds Hitchcockian suspense that if you have ever experienced it, leaves you numb in limbs and in cold sweat.

However, I want to discuss here the incredible parallel theme that the director adopted to show about inefficiency of bureaucracy and indidividual's helplessness and inability to challenge the system. At the beginning of the film when the chaser is about to deliver his own justice against the murderer, he's caught in the most comic and absurd scene interecepted by a street cop. The scene is played in the middle of traffic girdlock that the two have caused; both stand as if the two system anomalies were cutting the normal flow of the system's traffic. Of course such obstacle has to be dealt with and removed asap and here, the two are dragged into police station where Young-Min confessess in most ridiculous and non-dramatic way of murders that he committed. The confession is received as complete farce among the staff of police station and the murderer remains out of focus. Instead the attention ridiculously remains on the chaser who is accused of beating Young-Min. The chaser in turn tries to fight the authority and convince them of his innocence while the real murderer is ignored.

Perhaps this scene is reminiscent of Purloined Letter and Lacan's seminar on this famous Poe' piece. The murderer is precisely able to escape persecution because he laid out cards open on the table where everybody is stubbornly digging somewhere. Might be a good theme to look into...

I found one of the final scenes reminiscent of Kafka's Castle where K struggles to gain access to the mysterious authorities of the castle. Kafka did not was not able to finish the Castle but the scene in the movie where the chaser is trying to enter the domain of murder and where he's held against with more than 2 pair of hands amazingly parallels with the atmosphere of surreality and invisble forces present in Kafka.

Trailer - The Chaser
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Алтангэрлийн толь бичиг минь баяртай!

As a junior worker in my company I have to do all sorts of crap, including translating and interpeting random papers of no intellectual value. I struggled with the process perhaps because of my lack of enthusiasm and partly because of heavy terminology involved. Needless to mention that I haven't done any substantial translation lately from target language into source one. Forget about the "Task of the Translator" and Walter Benjamin, I dusted out my old English-Mongolian dictionary and sat for a while contemplating words such as "academic" and "academic bridge". As I slowly progessed through the text, I noticed that my Altangerel was not helping me much. I remembered my freshman college years when I sat evenings with this dictionary and how it used to be great aid to my homeworks. Unfortunately, the blue cover text was not anymore my faithful mate. As my English grew I forgot to update my library with appropriate vocab boosters.
On the other hand I noticed that when you do translation from source into target, you almost do not have to rely on S to T dictionary. When I was translating a friend's travel journal I used my reference and thesaurus dictionaries. Does it mean that the target register has become more accessible to me than my source?

Том 8

March 8th in Mongolia is a nationally recognized holiday that provides a fine excuse for girls to get flowers, various gifts from their loved ones, male co-workers and wrap the evening with out of control outings that can perhaps match American bachelorette parties. They celebrate their womanhood, independence, and recognition (or so we believe). The affirmation of womanhood by male population is largely displayed through the gifts, flowers, and etcetera. As I was sitting in my class few days ago, one male student from Poland expressed his disproval of the holiday condemning it as old Communist propaganda holiday. His remark could have been accurate if he acknowledged the link between feminism and Marxism, but he didn't. Innocent but superficial comment neglected the fact that this celerbation did not start with commies in Russia, but actually in America by suffragettes and since then regarded as International Women's Day. However, here I do not wish to repeat the old and beaten up female argument, that women are powerful and independent or that we are equally capable as any man and therefore this holiday is important to raise awarenesss internationally and then go on accusing young Polish student of being ignorant and not socially progressive. You see I cannot present this argument precisely because I, as an educated, middle class woman would always fail to assess accurately the reality. I would fall into all too familiar trap of liberal syndrome of pity for "developing" country's poor and oppressed. March 8th with acquiescent compliance from women carries silent endorsement of male affirmative stand. It is affirmative and it is quite similar to America's racial affirmative action. Precisely the quiet submission by women to this holiday and lack of critique of it, the holiday still stands as a reminder of perceived gender disequillibrum. Sadly said men can abolish March 8th anytime should they regard that gender issue is not an issue anymore.

Blast from the Past

So, bought the Watchmen tix. Can't believe that it's coming into silver screen. Did some researching on Smashing Pumpkins soundtrack for the trailer. Apparently the original version was released as Batman soundtrack. Thus the end, that is finale of all comic heroes in Watchment is in the beginning of Batman? I liked the original version than the soft final one featured on Watchment, but I guess it is supposed to be slow and melancholic compared to its young/upbeat/fresh original one.